Bitch in Bangkok

The Health Service

2008-10-01T18:37:00.000+07:00

Labour’s election victory in 1945 paved the way for radical social reform and it was Aneurin Bevan, as Minister of Health, who steered the path to provide everyone, regardless of income, access to free, good quality health services.

It’s become such an intrinsic belief in our society that we have the right to free medical services that it’s difficult to conceive of it as the partisan revolution it must have been at the time – ‘pure socialism’ as Bevan called it. Of course there were detractors and opponents to such a ground-breaking proposal and not only from the political opposition but also from within the Labour party. Interestingly, the medical profession were one of the greatest challengers to the idea.

Bevan’s principle was based on the idea that a society couldn’t consider itself ‘civilised’ if it denied sick people medical attention because they were unable to pay for it. Personally, I think he had a point. He proposed that a free medical service was paid for through government income from taxes – hence more is paid for by those who earn more - and that there were no costs to any patient at the point of delivery. He was so adamant of this ideal that when the Chancellor of the Exchequer Hugh Gaitskill brought in prescription charges of one shilling in 1952, just four years after the NHS’ birth, Bevan resigned from his position as health minister. His iconic status as ‘father of the National Health Service’ stands nonetheless.

Poor Nye Bevan though, if he felt the need to resign at such news, he must surely be rolling around in his grave to see what’s become of the National Health Service in the sixty years since its inception. Not only at the news that prescription charges in the UK since April of this year are £7.10.

The NHS is in crisis. It’s understaffed, underfunded and staff morale has plummeted onto the filthy, unwashed floors of the wards.

Nursing is no longer considered a noble job. We have to appeal for nurses from overseas to fill the vacant jobs. The job itself is so undervalued and underpaid that nurses can’t buy their own homes.

Some of those in the know suggest that there are too many administrators and managers and nobody who is properly in charge: bring back the Matron, I’m told. The powers-that-be put the cleaning contract out to tender, go for the cheapest option, and wonder why nobody gives a toss about a proper job being done. The ‘superbugs’ are spreading. People are being discharged from hospital with illnesses they contracted in hospital. In 2006 it was estimated that superbugs cost the NHS £1 billion.

Despite the possibility of contracting something nasty, like MRSA or C Difficile it’s almost impossible to believe that the patients that make it into hospital are the lucky ones. But they are. The ‘postcode lottery’ as it’s been dubbed by the media, means that which health authority you live in can make the difference in good or bad chances of treatment and recovery. It can even mean the difference between what procedures are carried out. (In some health authorities couples can obtain a maximum of two IVF attempts; in other areas couples will receive none.) We are led to believe that the NHS is a glorious institution but there is definitely disparity in the service.

It’s easy with 20/20 hindsight to acknowledge that in those days it was an ideal that preventative health care would rule out disease. But advances in medical research - both identifying disease and developing treatments – and technology have increased exponentially since the birth of the NHS. I suspect our expectations of what we’re ‘entitled to’ have risen at roughly the same rate.

It does make me wonder what it will take to sort it out – if it can be sorted out. I suspect it will be radical though, just as it was when Aneurin Bevan first introduced the idea.

Toys Aren't Us

2008-09-01T18:34:00.000+07:00

Whenever I catch sight of the store name Toys ‘R’ Us, my blood pressure rises exponentially.

In the title, the R is placed backwards. I get the joke: that it could be how a child learning to write might incorrectly record it but it annoys me because it’s wrong. It’s not cute for a multi-national company to write its R backwards. I’m also irritated because I suppose they mean ‘Toys Are Us’ which isn’t grammatically correct. They mean ‘We Are Toys’ but that isn’t gimmicky enough. All of this is especially frustrating because the majority of its customers have children in tow.

A friend of mine in the UK told me that her daughter’s English report was not very good last term. When she’d finally got time to look in detail at the report it was the school holidays so she couldn’t speak to a member of school staff. She told me that she went to her daughter’s room and managed to find a couple of English homework books and that she was shocked by what she found. The content was good in that her daughter was not inhibited about expressing her thoughts and ideas on paper but the spelling was awful. Simple but silly mistakes like a small ‘i’ for the personal pronoun; confusion between were and where; your and you’re; lack of capital letters for obvious proper nouns. What was particularly shocking was that none of the mistakes in the workbook had been corrected by the teacher. Do the schools not realize that pupils will not miraculously learn to write in formal English unless they are taught the difference?

It’s not really surprising though, when looking through a few magazines at random, I found grammatical errors of the ‘them’ for ‘those’, ‘can’ for ‘may’ and ‘of’ for ‘have’ level. As for the vocabulary, at its best it’s slang and at its worst it’s positively indecent. Why do so many people - and the influential organizations to which they belong – insist on dumbing down the English Language?

Ken Smith, Criminology lecturer at Bucks New University, states in an article in the Times Higher Education Supplement that he’s fed up with correcting students’ spelling mistakes, and recommends the most common errors people make should be accepted as variant spellings. (Variant spellings usually apply to distinctions between US vs UK or US vs Commonwealth spellings, such as donut/doughnut or color/colour.) Ken Smith’s employer is the same University that has a website to attract 11-16 year olds into higher education called: becozucan.org.uk.

Of course gimmicks and errors aside, language isn’t static. You don’t need much knowledge of Thai to notice that language is a developing concept: ‘computer’ and ‘email’ appear regularly in the speech of modern Thais. In 1747 Dr Johnson, wrote of his intent to write a dictionary ‘by which pronunciation of our language may be fixed’ and ‘its purity preserved.’ On completion some ten years later, he acknowledged a dictionary does not stop the development of language.

The Oxford English Dictionary, however, does record its change with the acceptance of new words. OED’s Reading Programme employs in the region of fifty readers to look at all kinds of contemporary publications: novels, scripts, lyrics, newspapers and magazines. The findings of the Reading Programme, Incomings, are stored in an electronic database of quotation material. OED looks beyond the Incomings database and states: ‘A rule of thumb is that any word can be included [in the dictionary] which appears five times, in five different printed sources, over a period of five years.”

So this is my advice: just because you’re a mzee, don’t be a twonk. Get your ample bahookie off the chair and go and start using our rich and evocative language: you’ll soon find yourself crunk about the lingo.

Health and Safety

2008-08-01T18:33:00.000+07:00

The UK is going mad.

While staying with friends in the UK last year I saw an article about a local authority preventing firemen from putting up Christmas decorations. The reason cited was ‘working at height’ regulations: firemen? Up ladders? No, we couldn’t possibly have that. Did you know that a parent can’t volunteer to go on a school trip to support staff, unless they’ve been CRB checked (Criminal Records Bureau)? Schools banning parents from videoing their offspring in the nativity play, has now reached epidemic proportions … and kids can no longer play conkers in the playground because it’s dangerous ... unless they’re wearing protective goggles, possibly. Safety consciousness has gone barmy.

Life is dangerous. You could perhaps cocoon yourself in your home and abstain from the dangers inherent in the outside world, but do you not know how many accidents occur in the home? Anyway, forgive me for being obtuse, but I don’t think that’s living. If you do choose living over simply existing, the second you step outside your front door, you do have to take responsibility for what happens there. It’s always seemed insane to me that if someone trips up on a pavement, they can hold someone else accountable. How do you know if it’s your local council’s fault for dodgy pavements or the shoe manufacturer’s fault for the sole of your shoe or, heaven forbid, your own, for not picking your feet up adequately? Whatever happened to personal responsibility? We could blame the Americans for the litigious society in which we live - we know it started on their side of the pond - but actually, isn’t that just looking somewhere else to point the finger?

Anyone who remembers their school girl history lessons, in which employees were regularly maimed and killed by dangerous factory conditions, will realise the necessity of health and safety laws. People working on a machine without safety guards, for unreasonably long shifts should not have to take personal responsibility for their fingers or indeed their lives. This is where health and safety began; with legislation to make it the factory owners’ responsibility for ensuring secure practices, protective clothing and safe machinery for their workers. If there is protective clothing available and the employee chooses not to wear it, should the factory owner be held responsible for an accident? I don’t believe so. There should be balance but that’s what’s all got so out of hand.

Issues are not black and white. Take the firemen story above; suggesting that the firemen shouldn’t put up Christmas decorations because they would be ‘working at height’ is utterly ridiculous given what firemen do for a living. At some point, someone somewhere is going to suggest we don’t have firemen because the risks associated with their job are just too severe for the Health and Safety regulations.

The impact of these rules on society and the community is enormous. My friends told me about a village near them that had a thriving adult theatre group that decided to start a children’s theatre section. The children’s group was wonderfully successful and everybody agreed that the group was a valuable contribution to the children’s lives and the wider community. However, the mountains of rules and regulations that were immediately imposed on them – along with the CRB checks – very nearly precipitated the end of the group.

Before too long there will be no swimming in schools, no visits outside the school grounds, playing will be banned in the playground and beyond school there will be no life in the community. Health and Safety was, and is, an essential part of any developing country but at the rate this is going the UK will be developed into total insanity.

A Drop of the Hard Stuff

2008-07-01T18:31:00.000+07:00

In early May London’s new mayor, Boris Johnson unveiled plans to ban the drinking of alcohol on some of London’s transport: the Tube, tram, bus, and Docklands Light Railway. The over ground transport’s alcohol ban will take longer to enforce. The first step would become effective on the first of June. The ban on drinking on transport is part of a wider initiative to curb the sort yobbish behaviour for which Britain is synonymous, increasing the enjoyment of public places for everyone. Its intention is to reduce the anti-social behaviour which cultivates minor crimes in order that action can be taken on more serious criminal activity.

In the run up to the ban, a party, dubbed ‘Last Round on the Underground’ or ‘Last Orders,’ was advertised widely on social networking internet sites. With the ban due to take place at midnight, a party was held - mostly on the Circle Line. It’s great isn’t it? Exactly the sort of idiosyncratic thing we Brits do: like village fetes and street parties.

So what happened next?

What may have started as a bit of fun on the night of the 30th April got out of hand. According to the BBC ‘six London underground stations were closed as trouble flared … four tube drivers, three other staff members, and two police officers were assaulted, and there were 17 arrests. Several trains were damaged and withdrawn from service.’ Eyewitness accounts include reports of ‘fighting, vomiting, ripping up maps and adverts, spilling alcohol and leaving debris.’

I can almost hear the Mayor’s office from here, issuing a collective sigh of ‘Well, Doh.’

Doesn’t it make you proud to be a Brit? What is it with us? We already have a reputation as lager louts throughout European holiday destinations; our football supporters have established themselves firmly on the hooligan yobbo bench and now a proportion of London’s population have become involved.

On the same day as the ‘Last Orders’ party was reported, not coincidentally, was another article on the BBC website, asking: ‘What can be done to tackle underage drinking?’ The problem is that it isn’t just underage drinkers that are the problem. An obsession with alcohol is pervasive throughout our society. Trying to tackle all age drinkers might be a good thing.

We can’t feel smug - it isn’t a phenomena restricted to the UK British. How many times have I heard people here loudly and proudly declaiming their alcoholic consumption; bragging about the quantities of wine they consumed at an event as though it’s some kind of trophy?

Take a look through any of the expat websites and it’s clear that the stresses of expat lifestyle make us more vulnerable to developing problems with alcohol and/or drugs. Denial plays a considerable part in alcoholism and of course it’s still shameful to admit to having such a disease. There isn’t the space here to discuss alcoholism, though of course there are those among us too. I’m talking about those who aren’t alcoholics but who nonetheless abuse alcohol. And don’t try claiming because you don’t drink regularly you don’t have a problem: binge drinking is considered to be worse for people than regular heavy drinking.

Drug and alcohol abuse is of paramount importance to schools throughout Britain and many of the international schools in Bangkok. But it’s simply doesn’t matter what you say to your children – it’s what you do that counts. If they see that every expat event requires a drop of the hard stuff, won’t they think that’s the way to have fun? Can fun not be had without it? If we can’t enjoy a social without alcohol how are we ever going to encourage our children not to abuse it themselves?

Heard the one about...?

2008-06-01T18:27:00.000+07:00

Have you heard the joke about the estate agent parking his Porsche outside his office or what about the traffic warden who made his girlfriend pregnant?

Plenty of professions become the butt of jokes and mostly it’s clear where such reputations come from. Sometimes it’s because the job itself is unpopular– like traffic wardens (surely no-one actually aspires to issue parking tickets?) – and other times it’s the way that profession behaves. Estate agents for example are considered charlatans by many, I suspect because they’re motivated by hard cash, which is never the best stimulus, I feel). Law is another career that people definitely aspire to join and I’d like to bet people’s reasons for wanting to become lawyers are often altruistic. In reality however, they’ve gained a shocking reputation for earning their livings out of promoting human dissension.

Something that has often struck me though is how those in the advertising industry have got off scot free from the teasing, leg pulling and the jibes. I’m not referring to small companies selling their own goods, who advertise to get us to notice them over their competitor: that seems like fair game to me. I’m talking about conglomerates - particularly agencies - with gargantuan budgets; the high end.

Not only do these big budgets strike me as somewhat distasteful, there’s something dishonest in the fact that the agencies don’t actually appear to be selling the items they promote. Instead they are selling something much more tenuous. Take a look at the adverts in any glossy magazine. Examine the expressions on the models’ faces: haughty, arrogant, conceited and proud are invariably the look. These people have something you ordinary mortals do not, suggest the advertisers. Their main purpose is to make us feel we too can be transformed into these enviable people if only we bought the products they promote.

And of course it won’t. You buy the pillar box red lipstick and you don’t get anything except the over bright lipstick that you’ll put in a drawer until it goes off. It won’t change anything about your life and yet that is exactly what we’re led to believe. Their aim is for us to feel inadequate.

Despite the fact that advertisers are all competing with one another, they compound each others’ messages. It isn’t the fact that skinny models are used in one campaign that makes adolescent girls at risk from eating disorders: it’s because ALL the big names are using skeletal models. The advertising companies might be trying to say use our product over that one, but essentially they are all suggesting that we can transform ourselves or our lives by buying into their messages. Because their messages are about lifestyles and glamour, rather than products, we’ll never be those people on the billboards; the advertisers will just move the goalposts so we can never attain the ‘look’. If we did achieve it, they wouldn’t be able to sell any more. It’s all based on undermining us.

It’s impossible not to notice in Thailand the enormous number of advertising billboards showing pictures of either Westerners or of luk kreung – mixed blood Thais. It’s utterly ludicrous on every level that beauty is judged by the colour of skin. It’s most stupid because in the West the opposite is true.

The last time I was in the UK I noticed a new development of luxury apartments being built. Outside the site they were advertising the apartments with a picture of a very beautiful half Asian woman and the back of a man of indeterminate ethnicity. Both were expensively dressed and she was looking directly at the camera with a haughty and unobtainable air. They weren’t selling the apartments by showing us what they were like inside, or listing the lovely high end contents they would fit. They were trying to sell the concept of a lifestyle, of glamour and wealth.

In Bangkok, Western-looking Asians are selling condos while in the UK, Asian-looking Westerners are doing the selling.

Can anyone else see that we’re being had?

Blah Blah Blog

2008-05-01T18:26:00.000+07:00

When the British Women’s Group asked me to make available my writings on their website the simplest way to do it was to use a blog. I wasn’t interested in the blogging trend but it was an easy way to grant access to my articles. I am now more rabidly than ever not interested in the phenomenon but it did give me another subject for one of these articles.

I don’t want to bore you with detail of the history of blogging, but in brief, the term is said to have come in 1997 from the merging of “website” and “logging”. In 1999 the term was shortened to “blog” and in 2004 it officially entered the language as both a noun and a verb.

That aside, a blog is an easy way for the more dim-witted among society to load information onto a special kind of website. Companies use them to publish up to date - often daily- information about themselves although this ‘copy’ might be prepared by the PR department, rather than the CEO whose name appears at the top of the blog.

The general public use them as diaries or journals… Diaries are great. I don’t doubt their uses: for personal posterity, for therapy, as a means to remember a particularly eventful passage in one’s life, but mostly I believe they should remain private.

Blogging has enabled the general public to reveal their innermost secrets to the world and so the dumbing down, already rife in our society, continues its downward spiral.

I did my homework before I decided where to put my own articles, hunting around the different blogging companies to see what they offered. I nearly abandoned my intention to post my own articles because of what I found.

There is a genuine use for people who live apart from the majority of family and friends. Their posts are a cyber letter about their lives for their families but I have to ask, why are they open for public consumption? Why are comments activated so that complete strangers can make contact? Your baby growing its first tooth is probably something only parents, aunties and grandparents should be cooing over. Believe me, we’re not interested.

It’s not just babies and their bowel movements either. Some people are blogging about their pets (yes, and their bodily fluids too) their knitting projects, their vegetable gardens, alcohol intake, their weight loss. I could go on.

The self indulgence and self worshipping of some people is astonishing. Do they honestly think we might be interested in the trivial details of their lives? Is it about authenticity? Do they feel the need for validation? Do they feel more real, more important, more something else because they put their opinions out in the public domain?

Even more worrying is that these banal blogs have readers… How sad and lonely we’ve become sitting in front of our PCs. Why aren’t the bloggers and the readers going out and talking to their friends and neighbours? We’re losing social skills, losing the ability to communicate. Some of the blogs I came across think in terms of relationships, friendships with the people at the other end of their PCs. It’s tragic. Relationships are so much more complex than written words on a screen.

It’s not just that it’s dull; so much of what is written is illiterate and riddled with spelling and grammatical errors. It’s like virtual landfill. At some point an environmental movement will arise asking what the politicians are going to do with all the dross in cyberspace. It’s not decomposing; it’s getting bigger and bigger, each and every second by the Petabyte.

Andy Warhol was correct in his prediction of Joe Public getting their fame for fifteen minutes. Sadly, the fifteen minutes seems to be going on and on interminably.

Guide to living in Bangkok – Part 2

2008-03-01T21:16:00.002+07:00

Last month, The Bitch’s guide gave our newbie friends some valuable advice on arriving in Bangkok and finding somewhere to live. This month I offer my own brand of useful tidbits on filling your days in the land of smiles.

Finding Staff

a) You have got to have staff. Don’t worry that you have just spent the last 20 years of your life cooking, cleaning, driving and shopping for yourself. That is not the expat way. You must have staff. Maid, with/without childcare (delete as applicable), and Driver are mandatory accessories it this service heaven.

b) They work 7 days a week and can be paid as little as a lunch in you local Harvester.

Where to go in Bangkok

c) One Word – Nancy Chandler (well that’s two words actually). Buy it; buy a spare one, use it, don’t go anywhere not on it.

How to get around

d) What do you care? Use your driver.

e) Much has been said about the state of the pavements in Bangkok, and clearly jaywalking is a safer option. The pavements are not actually used by the Thais at all, and are put there to remind the westerners of home and to provide a fun alternative to the Krypton Factor assault course.

Find your local Villa

f) You need to buy the imported food as clearly local produce is either too cheap or too spicy.

g) Central Food Halls are a viable alternative, because they too contain no Thai food and are reassuringly expensive.

h) Or if you want to be brave and “go local”, ask your maid to shop for you.

Wais and Smiles

i) Thailand is known as the land of smiles, thanks to a rather perceptive past tourism minister, and along with the custom of Wai-ing, endear the Thai people to us foreigners (Farangs) as a gentle and good natured culture.

j) However the complexities of Wai-ing are rather difficult to master and my advice is to not attempt them until you are more comfortable with the fundamentals of Thai living. Indeed returning a Wai to each member of staff in you local hotel/restaurant is neither necessary nor good for your back.

k) Also the Thai smile is equally complex, conveying a variety of emotions and expressions. Here in Thailand it has been refined to a level almost akin to it’s own language. So the next time, god forbid, you find yourself walking along a pavement in downtown Bangkok, and a nice Thai lady across the street smiles at you, rather than smile (or even Wai) back, beware, the smile may actually mean “Oi you, yes, you with the strangely colourful hand-drawn map, watch out for that manhole cover it’s….too late.”

Learning to Speak Thai

l) As an expat, busily working your way across the Nancy Chandler map, you are unlikely to have the time, or the inclination to learn Thai. You can successfully communicate in English with your maid, driver, hairdresser, mani/pedicurist, dressmaker and staff at you local Italian restaurant. So where is the incentive? However should you get stuck, say having to use a taxi because the driver is ferrying the kids to Hotel Bumrungrad for another claim, then here are a few useful phrases to get you safely home.

i. Leo Sai – turn left
ii. Leo Kwar – turn right
iii. Sa-top – Stop

Finding somewhere to eat and drink

m) One Word – Nancy Chandler.

n) And for late night cocktails, follow the Trumpton fire brigade roll call: Huu! Q! Bed Supperclub! Met Bar, My Bar, Zuk.

o) More handy Thai phrases to help with drinks ordering
i. Sa-cuse – excuse me
ii. Kor – I would like / I want
iii. Bier – Beer
iv. Coke Lite – Diet Coke
v. Sa-prite – Sprite

So, you can see by following these few simple guidelines, your integration into the true Thai society in Bangkok will be smooth and easy.

Chock Dii Ka

Brief Intro to coming to Bangkok

2008-02-02T21:08:00.001+07:00

It’s been a long time since I came to live in Bangkok but occasionally I spare a few thoughts for those new and less experienced expats who have just stepped off the plane into the land of smiles. There are so many differences here and a little orientation and a few words from experienced expats can be invaluable.

Getting to Bangkok from the airport

Most people’s first experience of Thailand is getting ripped off by the limo touts. The touts lie in wait for all unsuspecting tourists and charge up to 2000 baht for the 250 baht taxi ride. Here are some helpful tips when dealing with touts, and this applies to any tourist location in Bangkok, not just the airport.

a) When emerging from customs, DO NOT stop and look around, with a “where the hell to I go now” type of expression on your face. This will inevitably lead to an attractive Thai lady with a clipboard coming up to you and asking “where you go?”

b) Don’t answer the above question by ferreting around in your fanny bag for a printed copy of the directions to the hotel you carefully prepared the day before to avoid just this type of issue. This action will be correctly interpreted by the Thai lady as “I am a stupid foreigner with no idea where I am, how much the ride will cost, or where the public taxis are, please take me for as much as you can, I can afford it.”

c) The correct answer to the above question is “bugger off, I don’t want a limo.”

d) The next challenge is to find the public taxi rank. Since opening the new airport, AOT have been experimenting with mobile taxi ranks. In some clever plan to enhance the travelers’ experience, the public taxis were at first forbidden from entering the airport at all and could only be reached by bus. The benefit of this, apart from the obvious increase in revenues for the Limo touts, is unclear. But our new 21st century airport has many new and advanced features that we mere mortals can’t possibly understand. So I didn’t question it either when the taxi rank moved to the ground floor (hard to tell which floor is ground in this uber-modern building). I’m sure it is perfectly reasonable to expect 5 million travelers a year to all spot the one small A4 paper sign that says “down to taxi” next to the escalator which is also conveniently located behind you once you exit the arrivals terminal heading straight for the door trying to ignore all the “where you go” invitations.

e) So now, at last, the taxi rank has moved again, this time it is rather strangely located outside the exit door, on the same floor you arrive on, almost unmissable to all but the most ignorant of travelers. The current location for the taxi rank, outside arrivals, was clearly rather unplanned, as instead of the nice little booths for the “helpers” who write down your destination for the taxi drivers. The poor “helpers” have to sit a little classroom desks by the road. So it looks like this current location is only on trial. We wait with bated breath for the next move. Possibly the departure area is worth a try, ideally suited for meeting arriving passengers.

f) One last word of warning: remember to keep the little piece of paper the “helpers” give you, and to note down the taxi number. As well as informing you of the 50 baht hidden airport charge (for what?) it can also be used as a complaints sheet. There have been a worrying number of reports of people being transferred against their will into alternative (clearly non-airport friendly) taxis on the expressway hard shoulder. Accompanied by the usual ‘broken Meterrrrr’ story. This behaviour is at best illegal but also downright scary for unaware visitors and not the type of image Thailand is looking to promote. I suggest you inform the tourist police if this happens to you.

Finding somewhere to live

a) After successfully finding your way to your hotel and a few nights 5 star stay at the Sokhoconrad Tree, it time to think about finding an apartment. Not yet aware that foreigners can live in houses too, and teak ones to boot, most new arrivals confine themselves, with or without orientation assistance, to the Expat town, aka Sukhumvit/Silom Roads. Unless you are American, in which case you can live out your tour of duty here in the all American, untouched by Thailand, Uncle Sam’s very own Nichada military compound.

b) Here area a few things to note about Sukhumvit/Silom so you can better decide on you perfect home location:

i. Condo’s here typically cost 2-3 times more than that of similar ones in neighbouring streets.

ii. Restaurants here typically costs 3-5 times that of similar ones in neighbouring street

iii. It’s where all the prostitutes work

iv. It’s where all the beggars sit

v. If you look up and don’t see the sky train, you are lost.

vi. Everybody speaks English

So once you have selected your overpriced, but oh so exclusive, Sukhumvit/Silom condo you can now move on to staff.

to be continued next month...

New Year

2008-01-01T21:05:00.000+07:00

“But screw your courage to the sticking-place, and we’ll not fail”
Or will we, Mr Shakespeare?

It’s the oldest holiday of all – thought to go back as far as the ancient Babylonians, 4000 years ago – yes, it’s New Year. Of course for those of us in Bangkok it’s actually the first of three New Years that we’ll celebrate. For the ancient Babylonians the New Year started some time at the end of March, which strikes me as a rather apt and logical time to begin something new, along with spring, new crops and baby animals.

Of course if you look around the world, it’s all random. New Year depends on many things but it begins on the 1st January for those of us that use a 365 day solar calendar. The Chinese use a lunar calendar in which the months are based on phases of the moon and so the year is less than 365 days. The Thai New Year date was set by astrological calculation – although now it is a fixed date.

The date for our New Year has jumped around a lot, having been variously 25 December and 25 March but we’ve Julius Caesar to thank for 1 January when in 46BC he developed the Julian calendar to indicate the seasons more precisely than the previous calendar had.

The Romans named the first month ‘Janus’ after a fabled early king of Rome with two faces: one of which looked back and the other that looked forward. As well as symbolizing start and finish of the year he represented generally the start and finish of life and its patterns: including door ways, gate ways, plantings, harvest, births and marriages. But it is this ‘two faced’ attribute that I think is the crux of the matter.

Just as the two faces of Janus looked both to the past and the future, this is the time of year when traditionally we look at our behaviour in preparation for New Year resolutions. Thinking of past failures we look to the future and think of all the habits we can change: most commonly losing weight and giving up smoking.

The New Year Resolution is in my opinion ludicrous; a rather amusing but silly tradition. Like April Fools’ Day it should exist only for mild merriment. It harks back to a time when we lived seasonally and planned for the recommencement of the cycle.

Resolving mid December to do something on the 1 January is so easy if you are replete with Christmas treats, alcohol and nicotine. It gives us permission, in the interim, to dip into the chocolates, have another glass of wine, and smoke too much. It tells us we’re permitted to slump on the sofa rather than visit the gym.

How about the reality? By the beginning of February nearly half will have abandoned their resolutions.

I’m not campaigning that you remain passive to your over indulgences. I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t try to change things for the better but I would like to point out that New Year is a bit of silly fun, and you could see any day of the year as a time to sort out your intemperance.

And as I started with a quote from Shakespeare I shall end with words from Mark Twain:

“New Year’s Day … now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.”

Less is more

2007-12-01T21:02:00.000+07:00

When you get to the end of your holiday and you’ve achieved a calm serenity with life and family (or not), do you love the idea of bringing a little bit of that magic back home? How do you do it? Do you vow from now on only ever to eat melon for breakfast? Or do you bring back a souvenir to remind you of the tranquillity of your holiday?

What sort of gift do you buy yourself? A t-shirt with a ‘witty’ slogan? A bottle of Ouzo or equally undrinkable local alcohol? Or a sombrero wearing donkey? What do you think when you get home and unpack these delights? Do you place them in pride of position on your mantelpiece or by the time your ‘plane has landed are you wondering how you could have taken leave of your senses and bought such a horror?

Good taste is a tricky issue, though not tricky enough to prevent me from passing comment. Something happens to addle the brain on holiday: out of your normal context you start admiring trinkets and clothes that would have Trinny and Susannah after you with a heavy handbag. Blame it on sun stroke or too much local vino but whatever is at fault; you really didn’t pack your sense of style, did you?

It isn’t just confined to holidays either, but living overseas too. It is particularly difficult in Thailand because decoration doesn’t follow the ‘less is more’ principle that much of the West practices. Here, more is certainly more, and then some. The Thais do have some interesting developments in contemporary design maturing, but the traditional craft designs are generally more decorative than suit western tastes. Except with that baffled brain you don’t seem to notice that.

When I visit the average expat home I wonder if the residents there have been on a perpetual holiday. If you felt smug at the idea of anyone being stupid enough to purchase the tacky donkey tat above, have you thought about some of the things you’ve purchased while living overseas? I’m really not sure that it’s much different to the donkey in a sombrero.

Take Thailand’s arts and crafts. Hands up if you’ve got lacquerware? Benjarong? White and blue pottery? Khon masks? Mother of pearl? Mango wood? Yes, I thought so. Please don’t admit that you have them all, tastefully on display in your apartment; that’s just not possible.

Style is eclectic. It doesn’t matter where you shop, if you’ve bought the whole range of anything, Conran, Ikea or Argos and reproduced it in your home, it will look contrived. Too many westerners living here fall for that beautiful eastern interior style and attempt to reproduce it in their homes, but don’t buy the job lot from Chatuchak. Use your imagination a bit, mix gorgeous eastern items with western style – otherwise risk looking like a sad parody of an expat.

East is East

2007-11-01T20:53:00.000+07:00

Everyone knows about culture shock: the various stages that individuals might go through while finding their identities in a new culture are familiar to most of us.

I guess if you are a jaded expat with many years under your belt, you may sadly skip the first stage in which everything looks wonderful and exciting in your new home country. This is a tragedy - it isn’t having maids and drivers that make us privileged – the honour comes from having the chance to live among different people in a variety of ethnic cultures.

The second stage of culture shock in which everything is different, difficult, and frustrating can be very tough, though the experts tell us it usually passes by the end of the first year. But what happens if it doesn’t entirely disappear? What if a person gets stuck in this phase and is unable to completely move to the third stage?

What should happen in the third stage is that the individual gains an understanding of the new culture and acknowledges that things in this place are done differently from their own society. My observations are that many people move through this and have a reasonably accepting attitude toward the idiosyncrasies of their new environment.

But not everyone gets to this point. Rub away at some of the surface and underneath are complaining, judgmental and bitching expats, grumbling about a whole country and its people. People protest about any number of issues from the trivial, like the state of the pavements and traffic jams, to the more serious – rather than offend our hosts, you can supply your own example here.

It is ignorant and dangerous to generalize about a nation. I would hate to be judged as a typical Brit because of the standards set by the British yobs that go on holiday to drink as much as they can, eat burger and chips, and engage in casual sex. Because you’re British should you be assumed to have just one national identity?

Feeling permanently critical and constantly drawing comparisons isn’t healthy either. It keeps you stuck in the second stage of culture shock, and I suspect it might account for the large numbers of non working partners who are mildly depressed or drinking gin before noon. Acquiring some kind of acceptance about the differences between cultures doesn’t mean that we have to like the way things are done, but it does necessitate recognizing that it’s different and living patiently alongside those differences.

I’m not trying to suggest that we can avoid what is a normal part of culture shock: the majority will go through this second stage to settle normally but I am proposing that staying immovably in this phase is unhealthy and we do have some control over whether or not we spend all day whining.

The emotions manifested during the second stage can be mild or extreme, but the one thing they all share is that they are negative. Dissatisfaction, anger and sadness are futile emotions. The big issues that people grumble about can’t be changed just because we don’t like or agree with them.

We would be so much better off cultivating a sense of humour about the frustrations in our lives. So practice laughing (and by all means rolling your eyes) next time it takes three hours in the rain to get to the British Club from Sukhumvit.

Are you being served?

2007-10-01T20:50:00.000+07:00

If ever there was a misnomer, it’s ‘service industry’ in connection with the words ‘United Kingdom’.

People in the UK just don’t want jobs where they are serving others. In shops, cafes and restaurants all over Britain service personnel are at best discourteous and at worst rude. The jobs, if they are filled, are taken by students, immigrants and those few that would rather work than not. There is credit to be had in that at least they are working, but still they appear to think the work is beneath them and they perform it thus.

It’s not lady of the manor syndrome to wish for good service during a meal: you and I are paying for it. It is part of the experience of going out to eat, though I suspect that the inability to find good serving staff explains the rise and rise of the ghastly canteen meals appearing in more venues throughout the UK. We pay astronomical amounts to eat out and receive surly service in return, so it’s no wonder service tax is routinely added to the bill because I for one wouldn’t add a tip after some of the service I’ve received.

(In Britain you are permitted to remove the service charge if you genuinely believe the service you received is not equal to the amount being added: if the restaurant complains vociferously, you should add to your receipt that you paid it ‘under duress’, should you choose to complain later. To be fair to the restaurant you should not do this at the end of the meal, but during it so that they have the chance to put right whatever it is that you are complaining about).

Originating from a country where good service has all but disappeared, I was delighted to arrive in Bangkok and see that the Thais understood and took pride in their service culture. They wear their uniforms with a sense of dignity and they (mostly) undertake serving people with a strong sense of self respect.

Salaries are relatively cheap here so having doormen, or ‘greeters’ at a restaurant is an affordable commodity. But I maintain the problem in the UK isn’t whether there are enough personnel, but the attitude of the staff and I’m sure, the management. Companies here appear to be thinking about what is really needed. The guards in the sky train, servers in Starbucks and shop assistants have basic English. Can you imagine the myriad serving staff in London, Cardiff or Edinburgh having simple French or German in order to help our foreign visitors?

Although it has a reputation for being dead end employment, service is a difficult job. It requires complex people skills (humility, tolerance and fortitude) as well as specific knowledge (a waiter may need to know about food and wine whereas a doorman may require an acquaintance with the local area). While it may not require the skills of an intellectual giant, the manner in which it is undertaken has a great impact on customers’ experience and whether or not they return.

But still, it’s not all perfection here. I was in a British bar on Sukhumvit one day last year. It was an important date in the British sporting calendar and all tables had been booked. Many staff, all of whom spoke good English, were on duty: one farang woman breezed in, nose in the air, ignoring the staff at the door that had wai-ed a greeting to her. She marched into the bar as though she owned it (she didn’t). Having got to the middle of the dining area she realised she needed assistance. Even at this point she didn’t have the good grace to be civil; instead she pointed at a waitress (surely rude in any culture?) and demanded to know where her table was.

Take a trip to Emporium or Siam Paragon and look at the customers and the way that they (do or don’t) acknowledge the doormen. It’s both interesting and embarrassing to watch the various ways that customers treat these staff. Whatever the doormen do: salute or click their heels, can there be any justifiable reason why people ignore them? It may be their job to open the door for us, but isn’t it possible to nod and smile thanks for that service? After all, we’ve seen in the UK how people undertake a service job without a smile.

Why are the British so obsessed with tea?

2007-09-01T20:46:00.000+07:00

Tradition? Habit?

You’d think we’d invented it, the reputation we have for it, but the Chinese were drinking green tea 5000 years ago whereas we’ve only been drinking it seriously (black tea, in latter years) for about 350 years. Still the British are inextricably linked with it.

I remember seeing on television once, a ghastly woman in a headscarf in a seedy soap opera offering ‘a nice cup of tea’ to someone as though a restorative to all problems. The idea that she might be thought the epitome of British tea drinkers fills me with horror.

Thanks to my elite and expensive education I do know that tea was introduced to Britain by Catherine of Braganza of Portugal who married Charles II, thereby making it fashionable among the upper classes. The English East India Company brought small gifts of tea for the Queen Consort, but it was not considered a commodity worth importing.

As its popularity increased it was sold in male dominated coffee houses and often as a medicinal drink; tea was very expensive. Catherine of Braganza’s taste for tea aided its popularity among women. High prices and taxes led to smuggling and adulterating tea leaves with other substances such as sawdust, sand and other floor sweepings.

Although it was popular among the upper classes the lower classes were able to drink the cheaper, adulterated mixes, but until the price dropped in the middle of the nineteenth century they bought used tea leaves from the bourgeoisie. There are still clear class distinctions in tea drinking: there remains a strong image of afternoon tea with cucumber sandwiches among the aspirational as well as a ‘cuppa’ among the lower echelons. Over the last ten years a growing vogue for green tea has emerged among the middle classes.

Nonetheless, as illustrated by the ‘soap opera’ these notions of ‘a nice cup of tea’ being a cure all have become clichés. How does a cup of tea help? I can understand that a large vodka and tonic might go some way to dissipating some of life’s problems, but a cup of tea? I don’t think so.

Tea does have things to commend it though: it’s not full of calories (unless you choose to add them – and that would give me cause to wonder if your palate is so unsophisticated, perhaps you should be drinking fizzy pop instead?) According to recent research, it’s full of anti oxidants which protect our bodies from harmful free radicals, but that’s only if you believe scientists this week. The next lot of research will be different. One minute they are saying it’s terribly healthy, and contributes to our daily minimum liquid intake and the next someone else is saying that because it’s a diuretic it doesn’t count toward those eight glasses of water we should be consuming. Everything in moderation some might suggest. Well, I’ve never been one to promote self control in anything – my motto is ‘if you like it, do it/eat it/drink it, in copious quantities, darling’.

Expats bemoan that Lipton’s Tea is all that’s served in public places abroad and that it’s not a ‘proper’ cup of tea. Indeed I’m told many of you feel the need to bring their tea from the UK. What, really? With all the food shops available here - not to mention the specialist tea shops - you can’t buy something suitable here? Personally, I don’t know what the fuss is about; Lipton’s has always struck me as a delicate tasting tea, but then my drink is coffee. I like it black and bitter (like my tongue, some might say).

In answer

2007-08-01T19:37:00.000+07:00

This answer was sent to a woman who wrote to me about my nasty tongue. I do not have permission to print her letter or the poem.

Dear SK

Thank you for your correspondence and the inclusion of JP’s charming poem. I appreciate that you have taken the time to write – even if it is to express your incredulity at my ‘bitterness’ and ‘vitriol’. I am pleased to hear that my articles have provoked ‘various emotions’. My comments are not directed at anyone personally.

The poem is lovely, but we both know that that isn’t the only type of expat wife in any city, in any part of the world; just as life is made up of good and bad people, so is our group of expats. We are just a microcosm of the rest of the world. There are good and supportive wives (and husbands) and there are those who drink too much or run off with the gardener (or maid) and there is every shade in between.

Thankfully, many expat parents have the imagination to see that having both domestic staff and children doesn’t mean that they can ignore their role as responsible parents. If you and your friends don’t behave in any of the ways I illustrated, then you have nothing to be offended by.

You have been here for many years and have had every opportunity to acclimatise both culturally and within your own sense of identity. However, it doesn’t negate the fact that there are extremely high levels of depression amongst expat women who are moved every two to three years with their husband’s job, which in turn leads to abnormal behaviour, such as I noted in Maid for You, and the Expat Prats.

As to whether I’m ‘for real’ or this is a ‘tongue in cheek’ tirade … I cannot possibly comment. I don’t personally think that a new column in Contact called ‘Bland in Bangkok’ would really have precipitated any thoughtful reactions.

Regards

BiB

Maid For You

2007-07-01T19:33:00.000+07:00

One of the most fantastic things about being an expat in Thailand is that full-time domestic help is so affordable. Not just affordable, but socially acceptable as well. It’s a privilege and a luxury that most people couldn’t afford back home and yet this subject is more complained about by expat women than almost any other. (I suspect there’s another one running through your minds – I know your biggest fear - but I’ll save that for another day.)

This isn’t the forum for debating the serious abuse of maids: I’m not about to start a discussion about human rights. I assume none of you is beating your maid black and blue, nor making her work 18 hours a day for a pittance. Nor am I inclined to dissect the vagaries of different nationalities: Thai, Burmese or Filipino, I’m just not interested in which makes the ‘best’ maid. I want to look at the way that women treat their maids.

How many of you would claim to support the women’s movement? I’m not talking bra burning, placenta eating, Greenham Common types; presumably most agree with the basic tenets of feminism? That we have workplace rights? But if you are asked whether you think maids should have better rights and minimum standards, minimum wage in their workplace, many modern expat women begin to baulk. ‘But we treat them well’ you say, ‘we give them accommodation and feed them, pass our children’s clothes to them…’ Maybe you are fair to your maid but it’s not just active, (what we say and do) but passive treatment too (what we don’t say but think).

There is nothing formal in law about a maid’s working hours, minimum wage, overtime, weekend work, leave or healthcare. Many of the women who come to Bangkok to work as maids are barely educated and come extremely young from upcountry, and yet they aren’t stupid: as their ability to speak English testifies. (How’s your Thai?) They’ve moved away from their families in order to relieve the whole family’s poverty. There is surely no reason to look down on them?

The stories you tell are worrying: stealing, going AWOL, subsidising their pockets with the food money, bedding the husband, the tales go on and on. I guess those things happen but they don’t justify the way that some expats treat their domestic staff.

Of course if you’re one of those women who has got through a few maids in your time, it makes sense, doesn’t it, to let other people know about how dreadful Thai maids are? It’s only fair that you generalise and complain about the shoddy maids you’ve encountered. Have you ever wondered why you need to replace your maid faster than you replace your broom? What factor do you have in common with having eight maids work for you in the last six months? You may not take responsibility for it, but it’s you: you’re the common factor. At some point you’ve got to realise that you and the way you treat them are the reason that they leave. Thai maids will not stay working for someone who makes their life miserable even if the money is good. It’s that Thai family support ethos: their family would rather support them while they find a job where the ‘madam’ doesn’t treat them like a piece of crap.

Some western women sit, smugly in their condos, firm in the knowledge that they do treat their maids better than most. Perhaps you think you do. Why is it that some of you try to become best buddies with your maids? They are not your friend; you’re sending them mixed messages. They are your employee and if you try to make them your friend you will find yourselves compromised. I’m not suggesting that you let them know their place, but I am advocating that you keep in mind that they work for you – keep the boundaries clear.

For some of you, I don’t think you realise you have unrealistic expectations. In your privileged position as relatively rich farangs, perhaps you suffer delusions of grandeur. This is further complicated by the notion that Thais are service orientated and quietly respectful of farangs. Some people are embarrassed with the term maid, and bashfully refer to them as ‘helpers’. It makes no difference what you call them; they are people just like you and me. Having servants is an outdated concept, but how alive you expat women are keeping it here in Bangkok.

Expat Prats

2007-06-01T19:28:00.000+07:00

What is it about becoming an expat that makes people lose all sense of intelligent parenting? Is it to do with the freedom that comes with the affordability and subsequence presence of staff? Does it foster a laziness for positive parenting?

You hear kids discussing how much money their friends have, how many staff, how many cars, how big their house is. Expat parents shrug at their children’s desires and behaviour and say ‘that’s just the way expat kids are.’ It smacks of resignation and I wonder who’s in control. Did you leave your opinions on parenting back in the UK? Just because other parent’s buy their children the latest ‘phone, laptops, gaming machines, Ipods, it really doesn’t mean you have to. Expat parents have more materially than they ever would back home which means that they have more of a duty than ever to educate their children into real life.

What is it that happens? The mothers, (it is mostly the mothers that are left with the responsibility) for want of something purposeful to do, (did motherhood dawn on anyone?) spend their time volunteering, socialising, having a little business, whatever and leave their children to be raised by maids and driven around by drivers. This is far from ideal since most Thai maids will not discipline children, beyond ensuring that they don’t come to any harm. (Not only are Thais generally lenient with children, it is further complicated by the dynamics of the farang/Thai employee.) The children may have relative freedom (from parental attention which developmentally they actually need) but they aren’t learning independence.

I know a thirteen year old who never goes out alone, never asks to go out alone: that isn’t normal. A child of that age should be asking for some freedom. It is natural for early teens to want to go to the corner shop, look around a mall on their own or meet up with friends. Parents have the attitude that the children can play safely or wander down the road in the compound while all dangers are kept safely tucked away beyond the security guards. They aren’t living real life.

What are parents thinking? What the hell happens when the children go to university (quite possibly in a different country from their parents)? I don’t think any of you need me to tell you what could happen when they go away to university. If you haven’t trained your children to be streetwise, to know how to deal with difficult situations you have done them a serious disservice. It’s our responsibility as parents to ensure that they get small steps in independence so that they can emerge into an adult world as confident young people, equipped to cope.

People suggest that things are different in a new culture that some of the obstacles change. This is true; the roads are totally different here from back home. There are fewer rules for pedestrians, and you have to have a little faith and arrogance to launch yourself into the road, knowing (hoping) that the cars will stop. Teaching children the arrogance part while ensuring that it’s not enough on its own, is difficult. But you do have to teach them.

The awful thing about this is that I’m blaming the women, when the men are equally responsible; they should be involved in the parenting of their children. Invariably they’re off in the bar, on the golf course, in the boardroom, in a way they’d be less likely to get away with back home. Because lots of expat parents do it one way, that doesn’t mean we all have to. You are an individual. Why would what’s done by other parents affect you differently in Bangkok from Basingstoke?

The Bangkok Bag

2007-05-01T19:35:00.000+07:00

The more time you spend in Bangkok the easier it is to think that buying fakes is acceptable. The blatant open trading of fake designer goods is on every street, in every market and, so I’m told, even in reputable shops.

You may have been shocked the first time you came to Bangkok, to see how flagrantly these illegal items are sold. I know I was. If you were, I’d like to bet you aren’t provoked any longer. It doesn’t take long to become immune to it.

Probably some of you are outraged by the prices charged by real designers, and you may think it’s justified in some way to rip off these companies. It’s your version of two fingers up to a company who price their goods way beyond most people’s budgets. It’s not like they are missing out on a sale if you buy a fake, you think, because you aren’t stupid enough to spend £800 on the real thing. So where’s the harm?

First off, they look dreadful; they look shoddy. They wouldn’t fool my soi dog, let alone a half thinking human. The colours are garish and the material is thin. The leather - if it is leather - leaves stains on light clothing and the stitching is often uneven and puckered. If they’ve gone to the trouble of embossing logos, they are often wonky or blurred. The bags fall apart and you have no bag and no statutory rights.

In the UK counterfeiting and piracy are Intellectual Property crimes; the perpetrators of such crimes are liable to fines and prison sentences. If you were running your own business (some of you are) would you consider it tolerable if someone directly copied your goods and sold them for their own profit?

The designer company LVMH is one of the largest luxury branded goods companies and, as such the French are seen to be leading the way in the fight against fakers and those that buy them. If you are caught going through customs with a fake trademark you risk fines of up to 360,000 Euros. Not all manufacturers whose products are copied or pirated are as big as this company, but the lost revenue of legitimate companies is enormous. And, guess who has to compensate for lost tax because the counterfeiters aren’t declaring their business? Yes, you and me.

Not many of us lust after the latest IT bag just because celebrities are photographed with them, but I do wonder if at some level we hope to fool people into thinking our lifestyle is Louis Vuitton enough to own the real thing. I don’t believe the advertising (that I’ll be 8ft tall and size 0 if I buy their bag – oh, if only) but I still covet the real thing. I covet it because it’s a beautiful quality item, expensive and difficult to achieve. I’m embarrassed at the idea of owning a fake: it would be like trying to mislead someone into thinking that I’m something I’m not. I’d rather own a no-name bag from a craft stall in Chatuchak.

So if you’re still not convinced, how about this? The groups that make designer fakes are doing it to fund all kinds of other illegal activities. To sell the items cheaply they employ the very poorest and weakest of employees (including women and children). They steal their lives and they value them at nothing. It is a known fact that counterfeiting and piracy fund illegal weapons, drugs, people smuggling, prostitution and terrorism.

I imagine that most of you consider it totally harmless to buy a fake bag. It is after all, almost the only type of bag available here in Bangkok. But it’s wrong to buy fakes. It’s morally wrong and it’s illegal.

Difference between a cat and an expat wife

2007-04-01T12:25:00.000+07:00

I detest the image of expat wives; I loathe it as much as housewife. Infact the notion of any kind of wife smacks of being an appendage. Another description, while being fairer because it doesn’t presuppose gender, is “trailing spouses.” Well, that doesn’t have any negative connotations, does it? (Even though it may be more politically correct I challenge you to estimate the proportions of males to females in these so called trailing spouses!)

Many of these women don’t actually get a choice about becoming an expat wife – it happens simply because their spouse’s job moves them overseas. It happens, therefore, by proxy. Invariably their job or career (yes, amazingly, they do have them) is less relevant and they have to give it up. I wonder how many of them have any idea at that point, what a loaded concept it is to be an expat wife.

Let me tell you a joke I heard recently: What is the difference between a cat and an expat wife? One is a creature that just lazes around the condo all day, napping and waiting to be fed, the other is a cat.

Out recently I heard a Thai commenting to a farang woman in their party ‘Oh I am surprised you come out with us. You don’t go out with other expat wives?’ She wrinkled her nose with distaste when she said this. Another time a friend and I were paying for some stationery in Central Chit Lom when the farang woman in front of us began an uninvited diatribe on the dreadfulness of expat wives. (They won’t learn the language, they won’t find work, they sponge off their husbands, they spend all their time getting manicures, on and on). These aren’t one off examples: I have a long list of disparaging comments heard about expat wives…

At their most benevolent these critics imply that an expat wife is an airhead who has nothing better to do than go out to lunch and spend the rest of the day shopping vacuously. At the worst she’s self obsessed, plastic, spoiled, not in touch with the local culture, thinking herself superior to almost everyone simply by dint of having a husband who earns relatively well. She leaves her children to be brought up by staff, and ferried around their play dates by the driver. Some of them can’t get through the day without large quanities of alchohol. Oh yes, and I forget, did you know that all expat wives sleep with their driver/gardener/insert other male?

In my experience, the guiltiest people to judge and condemn the expat wife are other women. What? Hello? Aren’t there enough men making stereotypes of women? Before you shout that I’m some kind of disaffected feminist, I’m not bad mouthing men here, I’m castigating ignorant people who in some warped way think that they can judge ALL the members of a group for behaving the SAME way. What is shared in the BWG is a connection to the UK, a gender and living in Bangkok. It is not some homogenous group of women who hold the same opinions, believe the same thing or behave in the same way.

And yet, the ONE thing these judgemental people are sure of, is their superiority to any other female who joins a group of women. If these critics consider themselves to have the moral high ground when it comes to ability or intelligence, how come they are making such preposterous accusations about a group of totally random people? How ignorant, naïve and ridiculous is it to suggest that all women’s group members are all the same?

Womens’ groups are here in Bangkok if you want them: they are full of people having a variety of expat experiences, using the club to meet different needs. Not desiring the multitude of activities or support offered by a club doesn’t mean you have a right to condemn them.