Expat Prats

What is it about becoming an expat that makes people lose all sense of intelligent parenting? Is it to do with the freedom that comes with the affordability and subsequence presence of staff? Does it foster a laziness for positive parenting?

You hear kids discussing how much money their friends have, how many staff, how many cars, how big their house is. Expat parents shrug at their children’s desires and behaviour and say ‘that’s just the way expat kids are.’ It smacks of resignation and I wonder who’s in control. Did you leave your opinions on parenting back in the UK? Just because other parent’s buy their children the latest ‘phone, laptops, gaming machines, Ipods, it really doesn’t mean you have to. Expat parents have more materially than they ever would back home which means that they have more of a duty than ever to educate their children into real life.

What is it that happens? The mothers, (it is mostly the mothers that are left with the responsibility) for want of something purposeful to do, (did motherhood dawn on anyone?) spend their time volunteering, socialising, having a little business, whatever and leave their children to be raised by maids and driven around by drivers. This is far from ideal since most Thai maids will not discipline children, beyond ensuring that they don’t come to any harm. (Not only are Thais generally lenient with children, it is further complicated by the dynamics of the farang/Thai employee.) The children may have relative freedom (from parental attention which developmentally they actually need) but they aren’t learning independence.

I know a thirteen year old who never goes out alone, never asks to go out alone: that isn’t normal. A child of that age should be asking for some freedom. It is natural for early teens to want to go to the corner shop, look around a mall on their own or meet up with friends. Parents have the attitude that the children can play safely or wander down the road in the compound while all dangers are kept safely tucked away beyond the security guards. They aren’t living real life.

What are parents thinking? What the hell happens when the children go to university (quite possibly in a different country from their parents)? I don’t think any of you need me to tell you what could happen when they go away to university. If you haven’t trained your children to be streetwise, to know how to deal with difficult situations you have done them a serious disservice. It’s our responsibility as parents to ensure that they get small steps in independence so that they can emerge into an adult world as confident young people, equipped to cope.

People suggest that things are different in a new culture that some of the obstacles change. This is true; the roads are totally different here from back home. There are fewer rules for pedestrians, and you have to have a little faith and arrogance to launch yourself into the road, knowing (hoping) that the cars will stop. Teaching children the arrogance part while ensuring that it’s not enough on its own, is difficult. But you do have to teach them.

The awful thing about this is that I’m blaming the women, when the men are equally responsible; they should be involved in the parenting of their children. Invariably they’re off in the bar, on the golf course, in the boardroom, in a way they’d be less likely to get away with back home. Because lots of expat parents do it one way, that doesn’t mean we all have to. You are an individual. Why would what’s done by other parents affect you differently in Bangkok from Basingstoke?