East is East

Everyone knows about culture shock: the various stages that individuals might go through while finding their identities in a new culture are familiar to most of us.

I guess if you are a jaded expat with many years under your belt, you may sadly skip the first stage in which everything looks wonderful and exciting in your new home country. This is a tragedy - it isn’t having maids and drivers that make us privileged – the honour comes from having the chance to live among different people in a variety of ethnic cultures.

The second stage of culture shock in which everything is different, difficult, and frustrating can be very tough, though the experts tell us it usually passes by the end of the first year. But what happens if it doesn’t entirely disappear? What if a person gets stuck in this phase and is unable to completely move to the third stage?

What should happen in the third stage is that the individual gains an understanding of the new culture and acknowledges that things in this place are done differently from their own society. My observations are that many people move through this and have a reasonably accepting attitude toward the idiosyncrasies of their new environment.

But not everyone gets to this point. Rub away at some of the surface and underneath are complaining, judgmental and bitching expats, grumbling about a whole country and its people. People protest about any number of issues from the trivial, like the state of the pavements and traffic jams, to the more serious – rather than offend our hosts, you can supply your own example here.

It is ignorant and dangerous to generalize about a nation. I would hate to be judged as a typical Brit because of the standards set by the British yobs that go on holiday to drink as much as they can, eat burger and chips, and engage in casual sex. Because you’re British should you be assumed to have just one national identity?

Feeling permanently critical and constantly drawing comparisons isn’t healthy either. It keeps you stuck in the second stage of culture shock, and I suspect it might account for the large numbers of non working partners who are mildly depressed or drinking gin before noon. Acquiring some kind of acceptance about the differences between cultures doesn’t mean that we have to like the way things are done, but it does necessitate recognizing that it’s different and living patiently alongside those differences.

I’m not trying to suggest that we can avoid what is a normal part of culture shock: the majority will go through this second stage to settle normally but I am proposing that staying immovably in this phase is unhealthy and we do have some control over whether or not we spend all day whining.

The emotions manifested during the second stage can be mild or extreme, but the one thing they all share is that they are negative. Dissatisfaction, anger and sadness are futile emotions. The big issues that people grumble about can’t be changed just because we don’t like or agree with them.

We would be so much better off cultivating a sense of humour about the frustrations in our lives. So practice laughing (and by all means rolling your eyes) next time it takes three hours in the rain to get to the British Club from Sukhumvit.