Maid For You

One of the most fantastic things about being an expat in Thailand is that full-time domestic help is so affordable. Not just affordable, but socially acceptable as well. It’s a privilege and a luxury that most people couldn’t afford back home and yet this subject is more complained about by expat women than almost any other. (I suspect there’s another one running through your minds – I know your biggest fear - but I’ll save that for another day.)

This isn’t the forum for debating the serious abuse of maids: I’m not about to start a discussion about human rights. I assume none of you is beating your maid black and blue, nor making her work 18 hours a day for a pittance. Nor am I inclined to dissect the vagaries of different nationalities: Thai, Burmese or Filipino, I’m just not interested in which makes the ‘best’ maid. I want to look at the way that women treat their maids.

How many of you would claim to support the women’s movement? I’m not talking bra burning, placenta eating, Greenham Common types; presumably most agree with the basic tenets of feminism? That we have workplace rights? But if you are asked whether you think maids should have better rights and minimum standards, minimum wage in their workplace, many modern expat women begin to baulk. ‘But we treat them well’ you say, ‘we give them accommodation and feed them, pass our children’s clothes to them…’ Maybe you are fair to your maid but it’s not just active, (what we say and do) but passive treatment too (what we don’t say but think).

There is nothing formal in law about a maid’s working hours, minimum wage, overtime, weekend work, leave or healthcare. Many of the women who come to Bangkok to work as maids are barely educated and come extremely young from upcountry, and yet they aren’t stupid: as their ability to speak English testifies. (How’s your Thai?) They’ve moved away from their families in order to relieve the whole family’s poverty. There is surely no reason to look down on them?

The stories you tell are worrying: stealing, going AWOL, subsidising their pockets with the food money, bedding the husband, the tales go on and on. I guess those things happen but they don’t justify the way that some expats treat their domestic staff.

Of course if you’re one of those women who has got through a few maids in your time, it makes sense, doesn’t it, to let other people know about how dreadful Thai maids are? It’s only fair that you generalise and complain about the shoddy maids you’ve encountered. Have you ever wondered why you need to replace your maid faster than you replace your broom? What factor do you have in common with having eight maids work for you in the last six months? You may not take responsibility for it, but it’s you: you’re the common factor. At some point you’ve got to realise that you and the way you treat them are the reason that they leave. Thai maids will not stay working for someone who makes their life miserable even if the money is good. It’s that Thai family support ethos: their family would rather support them while they find a job where the ‘madam’ doesn’t treat them like a piece of crap.

Some western women sit, smugly in their condos, firm in the knowledge that they do treat their maids better than most. Perhaps you think you do. Why is it that some of you try to become best buddies with your maids? They are not your friend; you’re sending them mixed messages. They are your employee and if you try to make them your friend you will find yourselves compromised. I’m not suggesting that you let them know their place, but I am advocating that you keep in mind that they work for you – keep the boundaries clear.

For some of you, I don’t think you realise you have unrealistic expectations. In your privileged position as relatively rich farangs, perhaps you suffer delusions of grandeur. This is further complicated by the notion that Thais are service orientated and quietly respectful of farangs. Some people are embarrassed with the term maid, and bashfully refer to them as ‘helpers’. It makes no difference what you call them; they are people just like you and me. Having servants is an outdated concept, but how alive you expat women are keeping it here in Bangkok.